episode 31 - lyfe gone as simple by stabbing a knife 2 a person...

cryin in a lonely nyte is one of dem.....
stabbing ppl bcks makes things worse....
lyke ppl alwaes said...frens come and go lyke anytime dey wan....
i alwaes love diz sumone...
n i will keep her...
i will let her stay out of my sight...even i takin e risk....
im puttin high hopes on her....
bcoz i don wanna her go lyke my frens did....
till my tears have fallen...
i wanna share it with you....
till my heart breaks.....
i know u cn stitch it back for me....
for the last time i wanna b wif u....
i know i cn die peacefully by ur arms....

ilyass.....

episode 30 - startin a new chapter awaits....

haiz....past have became my memories...present are goin...the future awaits me...i have nothing in mind just to update blog....such a bore...hmm...i keep askin myself on what to do...haha...i wanna b wif her...i nd her to trust me so dat she could take me wif her n b wif fe long2 tyme...haiz....i juz don wan her to leave me....haiz....

ok dats all fer e post....n there request i nd fer u.....

please im begging u...im prepare fer anitin...please...juz give me a chance...n i will bring it to you....i will do anithing...i will nt give up till i get u.....

ilyas.....

episode 29 - ????

haiz....e 7th daes of fastin...still goin...my looks is goin strong...bt my life is goin weak...i cant stand up on my behaviour....fer most...i cant stop my habits...i cant love anione...i cant b in love...i feel like im bleedin out wif no such things as reasons...i can only b in love once...n i don noe wen izit...2 more years need to prepare e full of NS...haiz....e 1st letter of NS has come...i am really depress n weak looking...i cant blame on u...don misunderstood....smile...i will do anitin to make others happi...n please do not make me happi...because i cant b happie...its only can please me to be happy...if anione does feel hurt...don feel...let me feel...

ilyas.....
fading off in your lyfe....
will i make it back....?

episode 28 - takin no action 2 diz dumb2 werld inside me...

hey...nothing in mind...juz shocked how she talked to me just now...its like wow!...ha(sarcastic one)...my laughing career inside me has gone to the pass...like everybody says...there is no feelings inside me...there's none inside except make people angry with me thats all...i'm proud to say that im stupid, heartless and dumb2...im none...im worthless...im just wasting my time here with no life spend...there's is no need 2 make myself happen...even there is one...she will nt tell me or even dare to talk to me...i am easy to be fool...

see...im useless to be around...my life as can consider as drama puttin episodes in it....i will promise myself to nt b in love even my heart taking me to it...please do not consider yourself to blame...i alreadi am to blame there is no other than me to blame...i blame myself to underage smoking..i blame myself to making bad habits to people...i blaming myself to put in love for no reasons behind it...i blaming myself to puttin weird behaviour on everybody...i am blaming myself to put others in trouble...n all that is in my mind are put into blame on me...if can...put all the blame on me n not others...i am tired of making myself being a hero...i am prefer to be a slave for everybody...n startin this day onwards...i am making everybody pleases me to death...if can...because i am goin to be or nt...to tell everybody the truth...i am the troublemaker nt others...i am sorry...please if can..just ignore my stupid enough behaviour...because tears in me has nothing to others....thanks for all the concern...

good luck in everybody life...no need to gd luck fer me...because i have bad luck n it wont go away...i prefer being a useless bachelor with no ambitions...thanks for the concern....

ilyas always hates himself....

episode 27 - Sept Twenty Second.....

i have been through alot of tough loves....i juz cant stand all e jealousy n rumours talkin all around...i just hate it...why cant i just be in this lonely werld...a long dae a long nyte and a long story...why me alwaes in deep trouble...why me alwaes in e hartbreakin thingy....why me alwaes in e misunderstood mess ups...i cn b ur superman...n sumtymes i have my own weakness in a wae of makin me....i can live without my heart...as i cn sae im heartless....i cant force love....i cant force anitin...bt i cn force myself 2 b my ownself...am i too concernin abt u? or am i too pressurin u? is dere such thing as forcin each others mind? i tink its no...

love cn wait and destroy our hart fer no rezens or e other...i cant believe diz is happenin...i lyke my wae of living e old tymes wif her...n i want juz 2 spend it e same treatin u as e same wae i treatin her...i wanna spend e whole of my lyfe through juz b wif u....i hope diz make sense 2 u...i wanna melt ur hart if cn...every single moment n seconds in our lyfe....i will b nt in diz werld...i wish dat if god let me b wif her...i appreciate alots...

In This Very Moment...I would like to appreciate my parents for bringing me up to this world...n there is a reason behind it...i will nt like my own siblings...i will like others n only u...

IN THIS LONELY NITE...IN THIS LONELY WORLD...IN THIS LONELY PERSON...I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAE....PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I DID WRONG THINGS TO YOU.....

ilyas places his heart to yours....n only urs....

22nd september 2007
3:23 am

episode 26 - smiley dae fer me....haha

its a big start fer me coz i woke up around 12.45???i tink soo...haha....kinda of funnie though wakin up so late...haha...den quickly bath n....guess wad...i met my lil sis...haha...as far as i noe...she kinda short n gd hearted n lykes 2 play around....haha....we play at e bukit batok CSC...haha....i tot we r gonna play pool or sumtin...bt at last i found out...dat they r playin at e arcade....as usual...e gerls game...e para dance...haha...i was kinda shameful at a start...haha....den all e laughter has gone...bck again e my aunt's house nearby...chill at her house...awaits fer 2 break fasting....haha...den.....

i went 2 boon lae....fer terawih wif my fren....haiz....quite boring though...haha....nvm...its ok...as long i had fun juz now....i was wonderin...wads is wrong wif her???i also donnoe y...am i 2 care fer her or am i too controlling....??hmmm....

ok dats all fer 2dae...nytez2.....

ilyas places his heart 2 u....

episode 25 - through struggle

abt struggling in life has made so terrible....some was piece of shit n it juz came irritate me alots....now it is 5th dae of ramadhan....i've been fastin e whole 5 daes of sufferin daes...well...its no biggie...coz im alreadi trained 2 b fastin b4 e fasting month....haha....

sumtymes i cn wanna waste my 16 yrs of lyfe fer no rezen...n it is no cure 2 dat....my hart is a piece of my dreadful piece in my body...it is all bcoz of my father...alwaes beat me at my back till i gt second hartbeart...i've been sufferin diz probs since dat dae i gt it....haiz...everityme nd 2 e hospital n everi check ups nd money fer juz 2 check my hart condition...dat is my dearest memory dat i had during e past tyme...i kinda miss my old frens dat been wif me fer so long...n now they r gone juz lyke dat...i have a new mission now...2 wait fer everibodi 2 settle...n we go as one...with her of coz...haha....

k dats all fer 2dae....

ilyas loves you.....

episode 24 - choices

choices r meant 2 be made by demselves or e other wae round....my choices r made 2 b simple by followin ur hart nt ur guts....i faced almost hard choices...bt in e hart n makes it so ez fer me...sum r makes ppl hurt while sum r made ppl happier....ppl some tink abt me dat im kind of a nice person bt most of dem r nt...i also donnoe y ppl alwaes tink negative abt me...if cn...i wanna make all of my choices 2 make ppl happi n don makes others worry...its ok if u reject me...as long ure happi in ur lyfe wif others u feel better e most....nvm if im hurt or feel e pain whum u felt it...i cn bear as long i don deserve 2 die in their bck...if i don exist diz werld hu would b??i wanna c my sis...if cn...i wanna b ferever...i even cant see my sis' face...i donnoe whom...ppl cn betray or stabb me at e bck...nvm its ok..one dae they will also...

ppl i alwaes fightin bck my tears away frm others n make others tink dat im nt cryin...bt inside i feel hurt...promises r nt meant 2 break it...neither do i...i alwaes wanted dreams...as far as i noe..all r shattered bcoz of me alone...i wanted 2 b wif whom i loved e most...now i noe wads ppl sae love as a game dat we should nt play wif...its a matter of fact...2 genders collide, c each others eyes n backgrounds whether dey r nice or nt...its juz a matter of skills 2 make it more challengin...

k dats all...c ya 2 morrow mate...haha....
ilyas loves you

episode 23 - tiring dae....

k here it goes...well in e mornin i didnt wake fer mornin eatings....haiz...feelin more weaker...den 2morrow nd 2 go 2 werk....URGHHHHH!!!!!!!! leceh nye....haiz...i need 2 werk...whether it is tirin or nt...bt i noe dat it is fer e sake of my pay n others so is she....save money dokz...haha....i wanna 2 buy new kurung ler...haha....wanna buy light blue...haha...my aunt bought fer me brown...lyke my skin tone...haha..nvm...still i love dem...haha....everi single dae i mizz my frens sey...n even her...haha...i love her so much...bt sad..she cant go out dat much...nvm...i still wanna sacrifice fer e soul of my fatherhood...haha....

as a man....i will do anitin fer her...n in my hart n my mouth...n even my body dat i promised myself nt 2 lie...neither cheated nor lie 2 her...fer e sake of my onli one......diz will b my last one...n i will nt choose other again...or else...i will nt b goin 2 search others...let others search me...oh god...plz help me 2 strength n hope so dat i cn succeed anitin...i will keen 2 do anitin juz fer u n my ancestors....with ur powers...u cn do anitin xcept fer bad doins uh...haha....ok dats all.....

ilyas hearts you...

episode 22 - life stories...

i have been alot of tinks 2 go through in my whole of my 16 yrs of life....almost all i achieve solvin e probs...e lyfe n tymes i have been through n struggle within my hopes n dreams...my dreams has alwaes been shattered..bt my hopes are all e onli one i cn achieve....in me...i have 5 tinks...hopes, trust inner-self, patience, respect and sincerity....

i can alwaes trust others n makes me more comfortable...i love my old frens n even my ex...i dont care how dey did to me...as long they forgive me n i forgive dem...my besties once hated me n became foes or alibis...i forgive dem...its a matter of fact...i still love dem wenever dey treated me badly or nice....i don lyke others 2 treat me in food or others...i lyke others 2 treat me as a best fren...tears cn b shared...secrets are meant 2 tell me...i will keep it till e tyme it stopped...now i know dat my life is all written in my hand...bt it doesnt shows wad am i doin in e future...bt in god's will n trust...i noe wad i am doin is ryte or wrong....i am a discipline human being...i cn b treated funny either cute or nice...bt i dont lyke wen i am hot tempered...i don hate muslims or other races....i respect dem...i came 2 diz werld juz fer 1 rezen...to do tinks bck in e same waes dat i have been born 2 do....

i wish nt 2 fight ppl neither 2 hate ppl...it is in my own waes of lyfe i wish 2 spend...i will enjoy my life with sumbodi i whom i loved e most...i dont care abt her looks or outfit she is wearin...bt i noe she will comfort me n cheer me up wenever i feel sad or depress...n alwaes love me of wad i am....god...will i grant my wishes dat i have in mind n do make it come true...give e wae of success n dreams so dat i cn believin in myself...

may god b with us ferever more...n alwaes trust him...i will promise u dat i will become a good role model 2 my family n others....amin.....

ilyas places his heart 2 urs...

episode 21 - the new job makes me restless n no tyme for others....

walau...e new job makes me feel restless...no tyme for my frens n my love ones....haha....i nd sum off fer my werk....plz god help me to make diz job feel much better...n i quit soon enough....i wanna 2 continue my N lvls exams n finishin my exams soon enough...so dat i cn relax my mind n enjoy wif my love ones...i mizz my dayah alots ler...haiz....i nd 2 wait fer e tyme onli....ltr wanna go out 2 c movies...haha...btw....i cn call e dae should b couple's nyte....haha....haiz...if anione readin diz....plz msg me or call my hp...SOS!!!bcoz the couple's nyte is on 21st Sept...haha...
kk dats all...c ya on dat dae....

ilyas....

episode 20 - my story...haha

hey2....haha.....i gt a memorable of my lyfe...yay!haha....den go out...was such a bore....haiz...cant live w/o my hp n my ez link n my dearest dayah n my adek ku tersyg shiQin...haha....
love dem so muchies...haha.....
my dearest go chalet....e other wen outin wif her family n i am here doin exactly nutinkk...haha....
i mizz her so damn much till wanna hug her titely....hehe....
n den my lil sis....nd 2 cubit her kiut2 cheeks...haha.....juz wait fer e dae....haha....U R DOOM!haha....
i wanna go out wif my dearest la...haiz.....mizz her so damn much...i cant let her out of my site lyke old ex....
nd 2 b wif her by my side as lyke everidae...haha.....
now its 1:07 am....so damn bore....haiz......
k here up 2 now....it is a shortie post...haha...kk.....
bye2......
d
ilyas hearts...
y
a
h

episode 19 - A Chaotic Dae of my lyfe....

ok....here it goes....
had yesterdae a veri happenin moment wif her...haha....
at start i was so speechless....she is so damn gorgeous sey....haha....
den i started tokin n she continue e process....veri funny e wae she speaks....
den gt 2 e place we're nt suppose 2 b eating at where we're suppose 2 b planned....
i planned 2 eat at mac....den pack of ppl....
i asked her where 2 eat....she said she juz followed me sey...haha...nvm....
den went 2 burger king.....
ate dere..bt e price lyke walau...cn die sey....nvm...for food...haha...so damn hungry....
veri paisey sey....haha...eating infront of her....haha....
btw...she cant stop eating swits...haha...lyke herself.....no wonder she swit???....haha.....

den gt home....feelin restless...
play my stupid game....GTA....
play2 till 10 pm....den i 2 myself dat y e internet gt bck...??
i tried 2 go 2 e internet....n...yahooo!!!...
it has came bck.....
den i online....
walau...so many ppl wanna tok 2 me......
haiz.....
den my admire was an issue number 2...walau...
so damn fucked up sey....
aiyoo....so stress nvr get a chance 2 rest fer awhile....
haiz....luckily its over readi......
juz stick 2 one....
n i promise her diz....i hope ure readin diz.....

I PROMISE 2 NT MESS UP TINKS IN...N CAUSING TROUBLE...N DON LIE....

kk...dats all.....

An April Rain....Kumunkingnan LK....

episode 18 - lyfe and tymes.....

A few daes havent posted....so....let me c...wad have pass.....k here it goes.....
During e last few daes....i have an issue abt my admirer.....i gt diz feelin dat we do nt get 2gether along well......a few gerls keep after me.....even my frens r searching fer me....hello am i holdin e SPOTLIGHT???!!!....haiz.....i nd 2 tell dem honestly sae....i have one....n she's wif me no matter wad happens....lyke wad i promise wif my ex....u makes inspire alot my fren......

She ask me 2 go on wif lyfe...i had 2....dere's no choice.....wad 2 do ryte....n here's e issue dat im nt readi 2 tell...bt i hope u all understand aite....i gt family issues....i cnt go out much....i cnt believe in myself....i cnt go on...i cnt damned my stupid father of mine....my father n even my 2nd brother i have 2 damned dem alot of tymes....wif 2 werds i cn sae....
Good Bye.....
So long n have a gd lyfe without me...im tryin 2 find my own destiny.....
2 ppl.....2 hopes....2 attitude...1 dream......

k dats all...
end of my posties...hee....
ilyas....