episode 153 - season's change and so do people

i dont wish to make it more worse.

as i wanna talk to you, it is so freaking difficult for me to talk to you.

i think it is not the right time for me to talk to you in a manner.

as for friendship wise, i dont wish to go any further.

all i can think of is, i'm scared i fall in love for you.

and i dont want that to happen.

or else i will in deep trouble.

anyways, i promise myself is just to teach until up to my standard

then i'll leave my hands off you.

i may not be a good brother, a teacher or something whom you might refer me as,

but i'll try my best to be a caring, loyal and firm person for you.

as i might be changing some things in life.

im sorry that i'm quite moody just now.

i just cant bring myself up this days.

to tell you the fact, i hold up my tears long enough since the day i broke up with her.

as i wish not to remember it again.

as i walked down to memory lane just now,

i really misuse of my advantages on her.

really i am.

i should'nt have done it in the first place.

i wish to make it up for her.

and the worse ever,

i dont know whether my baby will accept me as a father.

this is what i've been holding back for all this while.

and i dont wish to talk to others.

i'll talk when i can trust that person really well.

and as for you, it is a total different case already.

as you have your own problems right now better than me.

and i dont wish to pressure you more.

as i dont wish to see me sad,

i put up my fierce-some face instead so that everyone.

will look at me that i got grudges on someone.

i am sorry for putting up that way.

and as for dating part,

i wish not to date anymore.

it is no use of the word 'dating'

rather having a close friendship.

it is quite harsh for me though.

cause i thought, it will help me on the stepping stones for not giving up love.

thats what my intentions are.

i really wanna get out this misery as slowly as possible.

as you might say, status is just status.

till then, i might be alone for quite sometime.

episode 152 - -..-

i really hate to say it though.

you are really testing my patience don't you?

you assume things on me huh?

well, guess what, you got it all wrong dumbdumb. lols.

play this game all the time you want.

in the end you're at fault.

i wont die if you wanna hear things from that lady whom doesnt knows my good deeds are.

guess what, you're blind dont you?

think again.

i wont fall for that trick again.

i found out.

eventhough you're good terms with her,

she will talked bad to you.

if she can do to me, why not you?

reasons = she's I-M-M-A-T-U-R-E.

i will remain calm over this matter.

i will not do any worse rather than this.

one mistakes and you're done

and if i know whom you are.

get ready on where you stand,

heartless person.

episode 151 - last piece of heaven

this is will be last time of me talking to her.

after that no more.

actually im not lucky enough to be one bf.

yes i do suck in this because i cant even take care of my freaking life right now.

well this is over already.

i hope she will get someone better.

and as for me, it'll take time.

what for rush for things while there's alot of opportunities out there waiting for me.

chances sometimes they dont exist when i need them dont they?

is this what im paying for?

if it is,

i shall sleep my behaviour down.

episode 150 - turn the page

as i would be crumbling down of sorrows,

better done than saying.

having one is worth BUT

having alot is worthless.

from now i would not knowing

how actually im feeling right now.

in this stage of life,

i would be awkward when finding one to move on.

not actually using her neither do it as to rebound this feeling of jealousy.

as what i can do is just move on.

"if you love someone the most,

you need to let her go no matter what, even though you think

that woman would be your lovely wife"

that is what my ex always told me.

it will always keep me wondering

what i did wrong for the whole of my relationship.

and btw, this is not the 1st time im doing this.

i need to keep my head held high and keep moving forward.

there is no point of turning back.

she doesnt realise what i'm actually doing.

people will always see the bad side of yours and never to see the good side.

and i shall always remember that.

this stage of life is going adulthood for me.

no more playing games or trickery on others,

and most importantly, no point of having too much gfs.

so what people say.

i know im keen to change the way i treat my life.

i need to do things much more responsible.

it isnt wrong right dating someone.

it will take time for me heal on my own.

but slowly i will forget everything.

and i did things evenly.

no point having a birthday present of a person,

whom didnt know what you're passionate about and

loving the person so much till im the one whom

sacrifice soo much.

well thats not the point of what im typing.

most importantly,

new setup,

new life,

new attitude.

i will not fall for those who brings me down.

thou i will keep fighting for what it worth.

episode 149 - edge!

i never knew that this getting on the edge.

i never seems to be cared so much.

it is happening again the second time.

and guess what, it always happens on the OCTOBER!

sighh. why must october have this kind of tragedies?

why am i selfish not to say, okay we're having a timeout.

and everything will in god's hands right now.

please give me another chance.

i still love her.

i know i did a great sins.

and i know my sins a big mistakes.

but to think back, she's the only one i wish to be with.

she is the dream girl from me.

i dont care what people says.

but i really love her alot.

i wish this never occured in the first place.

i wish this never happens.

i wish i can erase of my memories to square one.

i wish she could be my first and the last girlfriend.

i promise myself not to move on. i still wanna be hers.

i really am.

and now im suffering this depression, having the love lockdown.

i hope someone will help me in this situation.

i hope i will myself change in the future.

episode 148 - time's ticking

there's a time when theres nothing much you can do.

there's a time when someone you just broke up to is try

to make you jealous and always keep the same thing over and over again and

yet she still doesn't know how you feel.

I cant think straight. She's trying to get to me. but i dont think so.

for me love is actually lust. :)

its never been better than you are actually wants sex

rather than like each other.

but for me its pointless.

everything is not straight.

the world is never been prefect.

like everyone said, nothing is perfect,

well i dont have any objections for the future,

i will be hurt and always be

till the day i die.

episode 147 - bleah

as to say life goes,

everything seems to bore and nothing better to do you see.

okay unless me, now i finished my national service,

and my handphone and my wallet are lost recently,

i know i am careless,

but i got a handphone back,

waiting to to revive back all the things that i lost to.

this few days,

i've losts alot of lives,

met new lives,

what is this anyways?

i just dont know what to do.

i dont feel what i used to feel.

if i want to be single,

yes and no.

yes = i can mingle around, have fun, this and that and the best part is, no strings are attached.

no = i have a girlfriend, cant do much. sigh -.- but what to do.

i wish i can be single forever.

i can do whatever i like.

beats the freedom.

kan best kalau gitu.

but confirm one thing will keep me pulling me back.

thats it.

till then. :(

episode 146 - misses

i really miss my ex.

and i just read about what she put up at the blog.

ohh man. sigh.

nevermind then. till

then bye.