i dont wish to make it more worse.
as i wanna talk to you, it is so freaking difficult for me to talk to you.
i think it is not the right time for me to talk to you in a manner.
as for friendship wise, i dont wish to go any further.
all i can think of is, i'm scared i fall in love for you.
and i dont want that to happen.
or else i will in deep trouble.
anyways, i promise myself is just to teach until up to my standard
then i'll leave my hands off you.
i may not be a good brother, a teacher or something whom you might refer me as,
but i'll try my best to be a caring, loyal and firm person for you.
as i might be changing some things in life.
im sorry that i'm quite moody just now.
i just cant bring myself up this days.
to tell you the fact, i hold up my tears long enough since the day i broke up with her.
as i wish not to remember it again.
as i walked down to memory lane just now,
i really misuse of my advantages on her.
really i am.
i should'nt have done it in the first place.
i wish to make it up for her.
and the worse ever,
i dont know whether my baby will accept me as a father.
this is what i've been holding back for all this while.
and i dont wish to talk to others.
i'll talk when i can trust that person really well.
and as for you, it is a total different case already.
as you have your own problems right now better than me.
and i dont wish to pressure you more.
as i dont wish to see me sad,
i put up my fierce-some face instead so that everyone.
will look at me that i got grudges on someone.
i am sorry for putting up that way.
and as for dating part,
i wish not to date anymore.
it is no use of the word 'dating'
rather having a close friendship.
it is quite harsh for me though.
cause i thought, it will help me on the stepping stones for not giving up love.
thats what my intentions are.
i really wanna get out this misery as slowly as possible.
as you might say, status is just status.
till then, i might be alone for quite sometime.