episode 162 - life's being a fair for the moment

being someone whom always there is,
a responsibility needs to take care of someone else's heart.
being in love especially.
in the cold raining day, is best for me to be inspired in writing.
being humble by myself.
typing my feelings down.
saying in every word i feel like sharing.

i believe sharing with someone is a risky move.
you always need to think of what words
so that you will not hurt feelings of others.
i've always need of someone like you.
at first, i feel like there's no love from you,
and when as days goes by, it feels there's something
you never get to express.

you've always been that person whom
wants to improve things in life and
im willing to make it happen.

thanks to you,
im someone that makes me think
i am always be that someone in your life.

episode 161 - things are getting back to normal

just because of her, i'm changing for the better and trying not to do things as what i did before.
she made me smile, cry and laugh as loud as i could. 
but the only thing she could do, 
is keep my mindset going to move on,
never to look back.

the liking of what i did,
is never the likes of the past.
let bygones be bygones as what people says.

gonna work my way off, 
never give up.

with love.

episode 160 - the door remains closed

new found love that actually i can be relax after a long time for suffering.
i love the way she is, eventhough she rejected to me once before.
after i gave all my best at last she given the permission to be with her.
i love you with all my heart and never gonna let you go.

with love.

episode 159 - period

I dont know what's happening to me these days.

I've been mad, sick, annoyed, irrits, and being such a jerk.

What am i been thinking these days.

i wish i can figure what's happening.

what animal i've become into?

why am i doing this?

what am i been suffering from?

why am i soo confused about the things in life?

why do i have to be in this state?

no one knows.

no one wills.

no one's helping.

suffering the pain alone.

having no hopes on anything.

tell me why am i feeling so unsecure?

why am i feeling like this?

why do i have to feel this way in the first place?

i need to do something about it. like seriously.

episode 158 - ex's and oh's

You took me home

I drank too much

Cause of you my liver turned to dust

Cold rust taste

a cruel creeping cold pain

do you understand what i mean?

when you feel your soul drop the the floor

like a hole

like an open bleeding sore

then you'll have bled like i bled

and you'll have wept as i've wept

suck me down, it's time to rock and roll

let's hit the bar, let's lose control

one false move, you took me home

one false move, you're all alone

but it looks so good and it feels so nice

i paid the price

i'll cut you out just to hear you scream,

get away from, get away from me

and i can feel my heartbeat racing

as i realize what i must do

get away from,

get away from,

get away from me

you fell upon me like a plague

weakness, sweet weakness

but i digress

after all this

you're just like all the rest

suck me down its time to rock and roll.

let's hit the bar, let's lose control

one false move, you took me home

one false move, you're all alone

episode 157 - vermillion part 2

she seemed dressed in all of me

stretched across my shame,

all the torment and the pain

leaked through the covered me.

I'd do anything to have her to myself,

Just to have her for myself.

now i don't know what to do,

i don't know what to do

when she makes me sad.

she is everything to me,

the unrequited dream,

the song that no one sings,

the unattainable.

she's a myth that i have to believe in,

all i need to make it real is one more reason.

i don't know what to do,

i don't know what to do

when she makes me sad.

but i won't let this build up inside of me.

i won't let this build up inside of me.

i won't let this build up inside of me.

i won't let this build up inside of me.

i don't want to be this but

i won't let this build inside of me (won't let this build up inside of me)

she isn't real.

i can't make her real.

she isn't real.

i can't make her real.

episode 156 - timeless change in this world

nothing much change in this typical world on this typical days.

as days goes by, it would become meaningless.

no hope and faith were found.

patience is always been on my side.

as i go around the people around me,

every one is keep smiling.

and i am veryvery jealous of it.

and as it for your case,

you're making it obvious that you're avoiding me.

is this what you called close friends?

you make me more miserable.

am i that someone whom you wanna talk when you're bored?

am i that someone whom you can start with, and then when you're ready

you just throw me away?

am i just no one with no feelings or what so ever?

why is this happening to me?

why?

i need answers why people around me are like

avoiding me instead talk to me like usual.

everyone has their good start in the end

while im not.

everyone is making me more miserable.

miserable than before.

why?

i just need to know why.

am i that someone to everybody?

episode 155 - time

its good that you're missing the good old times.

slowly and yet you can find one with a reason why he deserves you more better.

its good that one by one is changing to be better.

and some still are getting worse.

i wish that i do have plans for the future.

eventually i dont.

if i wanted to, i do not have time for one though.

cause i know i cant be with one for that long time of period

eventhough i wanted to.

every night and day i kept thinking about work and my passion.

everytime i tried contacting one, one will entertain me for awhile.

soo, might as well just give up.

people say to me dont waste my time on something while i cant.

and i answered, can you help me on that something that i really wanted a long time ago?

almost no one can answer that for me.

dear to all boys and girls,

if you wanna live your life,

just keep on doing it in a good way if you're willing to.

that's life eventhough it is hot and cold.

time goes by,

i've been crying in my cold heart and soul.

no one will be giving me warmth.

every now and then keep facing problems here and there.

like i told everyone that my new year starts very pathetic and feeling like

a big time loser.

as time goes by,

i hope my future gf will arrive when the time is right.

give me a chance, and i will try my best to hold on

to each and every string that i've got hang to.

sitting alone inside the darkness,

i hope someone will open up the door of light

to enlighten me up.

episode 154 - to be untold for that someone

i never wished to be this kind of feelings towards you.

but when the time goes by,

more and more insecurities has been caught up.

my life span is nothing but helping people to solve their problems.

i help you guys with sincerity and respect,

what about me?

i got no one to talk to.

my brother is busy-ing with samba,

my sister is busy with her k-pop and school.

my parents is busy with their work and

everytime they look at my face is just money.

my friends, dont ask, they have their own problems.

who else i can go to?

allah listens to me,

but i cant listen allah's sayings and advices.

why am i being so pathetic here,

why i cant be happy eventhough i have everything on hand.

why?

i feel so incomplete.

as the time that struck 12 for a new year,

i wish that point of time was a good time for me to ask you

whether if i can be your boyfriend.

to think back, its not the time yet.

and furthermore, things just went fucked up,

as i told you many times before.

you may think that my love for you was

"give it a try" kinda situation?

my love was true, and never been a lie.

when you said that to me,

it feels hurt the most.

i kept and kept trying to give you a smile,

happiness and comfort.

if you were to say give it a try kinda way,

i would rather not have time doing those nice things to you.

what for i'm willing to sacrifice my time for you.

just to spend our precious time together.

i may be not perfect for you,

but you're just a nice girl that i wish to go for.

no one but you.

hope you understand whatever i wanna say.

till then i shall keep my mouth shut and

keep doing on what i should do.