episode 168 - stranded

soo it all been shortlived

nothing to spare time neither have time to get back up.

i have nothing to hold on

i have nothing to say either

the pressure keeps getting bigger and bigger

as i need to catch up on myself doing the things i should have done.

i failed as being a person whom people can rely on

i failed as myself on being a better person

the bad habits are getting worse day by day

being lazy and doing nothing is what i did

you tweeted there is no one can find you inner self.

well actually you already been found but i came at the wrong timing

i cant actually relive the moment but it all lasted less than a month.

never did i gave hope and faith, but you are stuck up by default.

it is not legit for me to give my precious time to anyone 

i cant even trust myself to do so.

there's so many things that i can vent it out.

sometimes it is soo meaningless.

as far as i can see myself day by day, im being stranded out alone in the desert

that no one can ever reach me.

if i ever to be found, i'll be dead. 

no one will ever read this.

i cant never be perfect for anyone.

i cant even understand for myself

and not being just perfect anyone, i cant do things properly.

im not being myself. 

i needed someone to be there for me throughout. 

but to no avail.

as much as i love being the way i am now.

i cant be the one for anyone.

episode 167 - gave up

i think i gave my mind a rest for now as i cant accept the things were

i dont have much time to do settle all of my problems

as much i wanting to settle all of my problems

i cant do it with i have on hand

this is too much for me to even tell myself to be alright

as much this handling of the situation

i need to settle this in a mature way

i'll rest my case for now

i need my rest.

episode 166 - thinking it straight

for better or worse, i just really need to get it right.

this is the last chance as she always do. 

eventhough i dont have the capabilities yet.

i dont want to waste this chance she had given me.

i dont want to be miserable ever again.

if i do waste the chance.

i am myself to blame cause i still fucked up again.

i dont wanna start over again.

i need to get this off till im married with her.

i need to plan everything from now till when the day comes.

i need to get everything as i always wanted from the day im with her.

she's my strain of hope, faith and my pillar of my strength.

my only aim is to make sure she's happy every single time.

the warmth of her smile is the only thing that makes me going.

everytime i see her sad or frown.

i'll keep this always in my head,

KEEP HER HAPPY ALWAYS.

hopefully she will in the future.

i dont wanna see her leave my eyes ever again.

i'll set aside everything i've got just to see her smile. 

every single time.

to you,

it may not be something you should think of,

but its time you need some changes,

by any way, anything or anyhow.

ilyas you really need to think straight from this very day onwards.

dont miss the opportunity she had given your for the past 2years.