Episode 176 - Moonlight Lovers

 To start off, these kind of people whom they called themselves as selenophile, often ponder my mind a lot. Do they not like the sun where it shines the most? I mean they should know that moon doesn't produce light on its own but it reflects from the sun itself isn't it?

As people loves how dim the moon gives the light, eventually it makes people feel calm, reflected of their own by their success and even gives them hope. But little did they know its actually changes every now and then slowly it doesn't shine at all. Just by the moonlight given from the sun rays shines, these people appreciate the night falls and sees the stars shines along with it which makes it more fairy tale like scenery. And by the solar system given how our universe works, they are more composed, focus on how little things do, and literally doesn't care about how their day went. Or even how negative they encounter throughout the day and just stare by the moonlight. 

And even the dimmest of rays given of the moon from the sun, it actually brightens up the darkest places and helps us encounter from the darkest version of us, there is still light for us to bring us out from. And I believe even these kinds get through the toughest shits and pull on through as how the moon revolves around us giving the light every now and then.

Episode 175 - Sunset Chasers

 In any context, terms or perspective when meeting this kind of people. They're lovable, fragile, happy go lucky, and down to earth. They will always look at the end of the day where the sun sets gently towards to silent cold nights. I have been dealing a lot in my mind. Sometimes to share with them, and really open up with them to have them understand your despairs, remorse and regrets over time. It makes what I felt before came back all over again. 

It pains me to go over that again. And seeing you saying that you deserve better more than this, makes me feel I'm useless and never gonna love someone and eventually leave like the others did to me. As much as I wanna amend what my mistakes are, what I can do. My head is going overdrive because of this, anytime soon my head is gonna ask me a lot of questions, my anxiety and insecurities will be in anytime. And without my realizing it, I am back in the pit of void. 

And now, my communications has gone to shit. I don't know how to respond, because I feel everything is my fault? I feel that everyone will pinpoint back at me? I feel that I have no escape or whatever meaning that I will accept the consequences of being hurt, abandonment, destroyed? Whatever I have to say its not valid to people cause I can never cut out to able to fight for me and ends up in some trash locations where no one remembers anyone. 

She may says it is already under the bridge, my guts says its not really there. She hid it somewhere else. I must find out and help her with it. And hopefully I am not too late.