Episode 193 - Courage to change

 Even I know its a song from Sia, hence it has a great ring to my milestone in life with my wife. Through thick and thin, the arguements we had got soo much shorter due to my listening comprehension and understanding where she is from. It is not perfect, but better than before. 

I set my goals to suprise her, making trips, and gotta be resilient towards my progress as a person, partner and husband. My patience level grew in time, to not take things too sensitive but with alot of logic and composure towards a person. I wanna have more money so that I can have more dates in the future, surprise her with something. At least, i feel like im doing something. 

Hopefully I am doing something for her one day. In which today is gonna be Day 1.

Episode 192 - A Whole New Beginning

 I finally got it! im married with my tinder date! its a whole new experience since i dont know what to feel, what to expect and never ever i actually be in it. yes, it has to be her. eventhough she always nag at me, belittle me and changes for both of us.

it has ups and downs as all marriages and relationship, nothing actually changes but the fact that im actually married. the feeling is just unbelievable till today. eventhough yesterday its the 1st month mark, i just feel im putting a great job being a husband to my wife. it has never been bored neither anything and i hope to more adventures with you and always you my lovely wife. even you dont see this, i love you always khairunnisa haziqah!

i am always appreciate, thanking and always be in your debt for soo long and i really want you to remain the luckiest and happiest woman alive. we have our fairshare of flaws and mistakes, and i believe we're putting the same effort. even you know you gonna agree that you've been putting more than me. anyways, i feel i have been doing soo good. still, i wanna save up as much as we can, sooner or later, we can enjoy going overseas, have alot of good sex, good trips and adventures together. till afterlife, i am always be looking for you. 

P/s : I love you Khairunnisa Haziqah. To more adventures with you.

Episode 191 - The Finale

 I am feeling not that great since both of us got Covid. We still waiting for the shoes and the gold bracelet. Leaving me with 2 weeks notice before I leave my security life, and moving to a whole career change. 

I still love her, it stays the same through persistence, patient and understanding how she is as a whole person. I believe there's alot of changes through time. And I am going to keep it up no matter what. There's alot of things awaiting for me at the goal. Like financial planning, buying a furniture in the room and making over the whole room. 

Its the beginning of a new wedded life, and I am going to do my 120% at everything thrown at me and be the best for her as she should. 

Episode 190 - Financial Crisis!!

 The moment has arrived until someone close to me has said it. No matter how much I do it as much as I can there's bound to something that I missed. Soo, finance has been dreading onto me for so long. I am gonna be someone's husband and yet my finance hasnt been stable yet. 

Tons of debts has been longing for me. Soon enough it is gonna eat me alive mentally. There is a way where I can do better than this. I can become someone whom I used to be. I have been longing for person and if im not earning to become that person, I'll never achieve anything. I MUST WIN THIS BROKE ASS LIFE!

Episode 189 - Progress

 I have reason to believe that i may or may not change by thinking of it. I had a few setbacks along the way. And I need to address it immediately on my own. I have done alot of good things in which I'm proud of and some are not in a way. Things to reflect on how I think. I need to think differently and implement this new mindset that even a selfless person had to suck it up and not comparing anything even it is the hardest thing to cope on.

I accidentally took the decision and making my own insecurities and trauma experience overwhelmed me. The things that I can do better by, have an understanding and being mature about it even I do not have such priviledges. To have my own control, and things I can't even control is another thing. I have fucked up alot of times that made Nisa abit insecure of me. In which I have never been proud of on my absurd mistakes. I have to be better than this. I really do. I do not want my anxiety and my own insecurities in my head to become in their own domain. I need to overcome this fear. I have to step up and own this mistakes like I always do, even it doesnt do much at the end of it, at least try to prove that I am someone that can rely at the end of the day. To know when and where to give freedom, and making obvious answers to her. If I am not comfortable, say it. Address it in a mature and sensible way. Try a new approach if it means neccessary. 

Episode 188 - New Year New Direction

 Its a new year!!!

So basically i have alot of things to keep track on so that i can have everything i want and need at the end of it. 

Aside from that, i believe i had fun and re-narrate the new year with a better joy and laughter with both i loved so much in it. no matter its not the whole squad that i pictured it to be, the very least they are there to make it better with my love along with it. it is soo much better to be honest. 

things to take note along the way, i feel that i might off track in abit due to my old habits. but i can make it better every single day with it and literally learn from it. There's alot actually i can make it better. 

and there's the period came, its a stressful period for me to be honest. i wanna scream and yet i dont wanna make a scene and just be patient for her. she warned me at an earlier point, soo i just had to withstand and take this opportunity to heighten to a new level for my own patience. i can do this, i know i do.

its a whole new project to be done by this year. soo two majors updates for this year is, one, getting married like finally!!! and second, to do a major revamp for the house. need to get a place for us to stay for the whole 3 months. dammit. but i'll figure out soon enough. 

so till then, gonna update soon.