Episode 189 - Progress

 I have reason to believe that i may or may not change by thinking of it. I had a few setbacks along the way. And I need to address it immediately on my own. I have done alot of good things in which I'm proud of and some are not in a way. Things to reflect on how I think. I need to think differently and implement this new mindset that even a selfless person had to suck it up and not comparing anything even it is the hardest thing to cope on.

I accidentally took the decision and making my own insecurities and trauma experience overwhelmed me. The things that I can do better by, have an understanding and being mature about it even I do not have such priviledges. To have my own control, and things I can't even control is another thing. I have fucked up alot of times that made Nisa abit insecure of me. In which I have never been proud of on my absurd mistakes. I have to be better than this. I really do. I do not want my anxiety and my own insecurities in my head to become in their own domain. I need to overcome this fear. I have to step up and own this mistakes like I always do, even it doesnt do much at the end of it, at least try to prove that I am someone that can rely at the end of the day. To know when and where to give freedom, and making obvious answers to her. If I am not comfortable, say it. Address it in a mature and sensible way. Try a new approach if it means neccessary. 

Episode 188 - New Year New Direction

 Its a new year!!!

So basically i have alot of things to keep track on so that i can have everything i want and need at the end of it. 

Aside from that, i believe i had fun and re-narrate the new year with a better joy and laughter with both i loved so much in it. no matter its not the whole squad that i pictured it to be, the very least they are there to make it better with my love along with it. it is soo much better to be honest. 

things to take note along the way, i feel that i might off track in abit due to my old habits. but i can make it better every single day with it and literally learn from it. There's alot actually i can make it better. 

and there's the period came, its a stressful period for me to be honest. i wanna scream and yet i dont wanna make a scene and just be patient for her. she warned me at an earlier point, soo i just had to withstand and take this opportunity to heighten to a new level for my own patience. i can do this, i know i do.

its a whole new project to be done by this year. soo two majors updates for this year is, one, getting married like finally!!! and second, to do a major revamp for the house. need to get a place for us to stay for the whole 3 months. dammit. but i'll figure out soon enough. 

so till then, gonna update soon.