I was told that I am a narcissist and being avoidant in my life. Looking back I question this today, why I am this way. Is it because of my childhood that I wasn't being taught on how to confront my feelings? Is it because I don't know how to actually think that it is a mistake and set a boundaries? Or maybe there wasn't any manual how to become a man? Where do I stand in all of this? Where do I feel or do I actually reflect and making amends.
I have been making amends or am I lying to myself that I'm making amends? Did I make changes and being consistent with it? Why is it that everything has to revolve around me? And the fact that I don't have the answers to fulfill the reasons why I am this way? Why? What do I want for all of this? Status? Rapport? Be a good being? Content? Getting bagged all the time? Being bullied? After someone's peace and destroy it?
Maybe I try to learn cause on my own terms, I came to understanding that nothing and no one will compromise to others until I have put down my boundaries. I have may disrespected some boundaries and neglect in overall. And I am scared and don't know how to love. I don't know how to love myself.
I am still trying and even when someone does not, maybe one day I'll end it all.
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